Marty Feldman Eyes

The man has Schiff for brains
His lips are spouting lies
He always looks so pained
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes

By QMC, USN (Ret.)

As I write this, the United States is embroiled in the saga of the impending impeachment of President Donald Trump. The point man for the investigation has been the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, California congressman Adam Schiff.

Schiff has been seen by some on the left as a beacon of virtue, speaking truth to power. By those on the other side, not so much. He has been portrayed as a lying, self-serving buffoon. In these portrayals, he is most often shown in an easy to caricature picture of man with a bug-eyed stare. When I see these pictures, the thought occurs to me: Where have I seen this look before? And then I remember.

Marty Felman (1934-1982) was a British actor probably best remembered for his role as Igor (pronounced “eye-gore”) in Mel Brooks” 1974 film “Young Frankenstein.”

Simple Fact of Life #1: Humor can be found in almost any situation.

In that spirit, I offer you this:

Marty Feldman Eyes
(sung to the tune of “Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes)

The man has Schiff for brains
His lips are spouting lies
He always looks so pained
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes
We’ll turn the tables on him
He’ll be cut down to size
His wits are really dim
He got Marty Feldman eyes

And he’ll tease Trump, won’t unease Trump
He’s just trying to impeach Trump
He’s annoying, and he knows just what it
Takes to make a stooge sing
His face should really be hit with pies
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes

TV shows us his mug
As though he was a prize
He always looks so smug
He got Marty Feldman eyes
Acts as though he has no class
Heart is as cold as ice
Always looks like an ass
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes

Won’t expose Trump, won’t enclose Trump
Doesn’t have the goods to depose Trump
He’s decoying, and knows just what it
Takes to make a stooge sing
Wants to prove Trump hangs with spies
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes

And he’ll tease Trump, won’t unease Trump
He’s just trying to impeach Trump
He’s annoying, and he knows just what it
Takes to make a stooge sing
Wants to prove Trump hangs with spies
He’s got Marty Feldman eyes

Simple Fact of Life #2: Sometimes, you just gotta go with it.